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Wednesday, June 10, 2009

The People I Work With: Chapter 1: The Grossest Thing In the History of Gross a.ka. "The Buzzening"

For those of you who haven't followed me on Twitter, let me preface this blog post with the following:

I work with the grossest people on the planet.
Ok, that may be kind of an exaggeration, but that's how it feels a lot of the time.

There are lots of people and places I could type for hours about here, but I'm going to narrow it down to the ladies' room.

Because the bathroom I frequent here is above our factory floor, in addition to all the typical icky bathroom noises you hear shop noises (sawing, grinding, and the like).

Other icky-disgusting observences:
  • A woman talking on her cell phone, covering up her poo-poo grunts with "seductive" laughs. (Really)
  • Skid marks that rival a NASCAR race track
  • Smells... the smells...
But today, I observed something so profoundly shocking to me (and everyone I've told thus far) that I am still struggling with it 2 1/2 hours later.

Keep in mind, I don't work for some small company or somewhere like Wal-Mart, where you'd expect the people who work there to be borderline sub-human. Nay, I work for a pretty huge global company. If I've never met you, I can guarantee you've heard their name. You've probably even used one of their products.

So I was in our restroom doing my thing as quickly as possible due to the list above. I hear this buzzing, which I assumed was from the shop floor. I'm washing my hands when I notice that I can still hear the buzzing. It's been too constant to be something happening downstairs. I start pondering what it could be...

Cell phone on vibrate? For this long?
Electric shaver? No there's not that distinctive hair-to-shaver noise...

Then it hits me.

Someone is flickin' the bean. At. Work.

This is the only explanation I could come up with. When I walked over to the door to throw away my paper towels and leave, I look over at the other bank of stalls to see if there's someone else here with me.

The only stall that was shut...(wait for it)... was the source of the buzz.

I had to get out of there.

I... I... still can't really put together all the appropriate adjectives to describe how I feel about this. Horrified, disgusted, shocked, appalled, confused...

Confused more than anything. Is there really anyone here, male or female, who gets your motor running so much that you just have to take care of business while you're on the clock. Seriously? If you get turned on by socially retarded engineer with hygiene issues or middle-aged machinists, then honey, you've got issues.

Stay tuned for more editions of "The People I Work With". Might become a recurring feature.

5 comments:

eleigh said...

Oh. My. God.

maggisaar said...

Oh holy god. "Flickin' the bean" almsot had me lizzing while quietly trying to read this at work.

Please do more. Please. Oh please.

KelsyC said...

Wow, can't wait for your epic tale to continue! LMAO!

megan said...

"Flickin' the bean" is a term I picked up from my lovely husband. What a gem.

Stern said...

I'm trying to catch up on all the posts that I've missed so far.

^Bad Idea

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