Friday, May 29, 2009

Dear Perez

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I make no bones about the fact that I'm a mega-huge fag hag. I am. I love the gays. Drag queens are literally my favorite people in the whole wide world. If I'm down, drag shows fill my inner gay man with rainbow glitter and unicorns and stuff.

I occasionally regularly frequent, as well. Something about the catty bullshit that irritates me about women is fun and sassy coming from a dude who likes other dudes. Perez is a huge proponent of gay marriage, as am I.

However, recently, it seems that he's been demanding that every gay celebrity out themselves. His most recent target is "a glittery alien from planet Fierce" known as Adam Lambert. I'm not a fan of American Idol. I'm pretty sure that it's nearly impossible for me to care less about American Idol. Since he made his explosive debut into the public eye, I've been intrigued by this fascinating spectacle of makeup and spikey hair for the reasons outlined in my first paragraph. It all started with this incredible semi-regular feature on Best Week Ever: Adam Lambert Blingees. It's a combination of my two favo things, drag queens & Blingees. My love for him was confirmed with this stellar interview with Michelle Collins on BWE.

So needless to say, with the pictures of Glambert making out with dudes, dressing in drag, and the relentless pinging of my gaydar, Glambert's a 'mo. However, either because his gaydar is SUPER off or because he wants people to pay attention to him, Perez Hilton is demanding that Glambert out himself.

Look, honey. You posted this photo spread. I'm not really sure what other proof you need. Are you looking for him to be on top of another dude with third guy's schlong in his mouth waving a rainbow flag giving a thumbs up with a basic cable broadcast into every home on the planet with a live, streaming simulcast online before you're happy?

This crazed obsession you have about Adam coming out to the whole world is, quite frankly, fucking obnoxious.

You're a rabid campaigner for gay rights and gay marriage. Bravo. I'm really, truly happy that you're a visible face in the fight for equality. I love that, I really do. Love and commitment are what should matter in a marriage, not genitals. Because what couples do in their bedrooms is no one's business but their own.

But you keep spewing "equality, equality, equality", but you keep putting a crazy magnifying glass with the intensity of the public spotlight shining through it on these people. Eventually someone's going to catch on fire. And so help me GOD, if that someone happens to be Adam Lambert, you'd better watch out, sweetie, because I'm coming after you.

You of all people should understand that coming out is a super personal thing. It's not easy. It seems like all your parrot-like squaking about "Come out! Come out! Baaaaak!" is beginning to hurt your credibility and make people more likely to dismiss you as "that catty, obnoxious queer".

Again, you and I are on the same "marriage & equality for all" team, here. And if I lived in California, I'd be right there picketing with you. I just can't help but feel like your lack of tact & strategy with regards to the things that spew forth from your mouth are doing more harm than good to your cause.

Your demands to have every gay in Hollywood come out are a lot like the communist hearings Joseph McCarthy lead in the 1940s & 50s. Granted, your intent is to celebrate and not condemn, but your blog is no different than those courtrooms. If they don't want to come out, they don't have to.

I've read your site enough to know that you're going to do whatever the hell you want, which is great. I really do admire your courage to say whatever you want, nevermind what anyone else says or thinks. That takes balls. But I really feel that you should take some time to think about the impact your relentless drive to get everyone to join the Gayborhood is having.

Love, hugs, & rainbows,